Lana Layne

6 months guys….6 surgeries done. 2-3 more to go. 

Never in my life I thought that I would almost be inducted into the 27 club with amy, jimi, and the greats. Flat lining twice on my 27th birthday, was schedule in my birthday event planner’s handbook.

Tragedy can come at the most unexpected times in life, leaving the hospital I was scared to look at myself. All I saw when I looked was an unrecognizable face on what felt like my broken body. 

She was a monster to me, she was swollen so bad that it was hard to look at. Her mouth was wired shut, with 4 jaw fractures and 2 metal implants. She had a arm in a cast because with the drastic fall she also snapped and fractured her left arm, also with another implant.

So much screaming and freight , when I realized that “she” was me. At that moment all the medicine wore off, and I saw what was reality. A broken beyond repair it seemed, staring at a stranger that was suppose to me.

I hid, I cried and all I wanted was my old self with all the flaws that I was born with. My fears haunted me and kept me awake with flashbacks of not the accident but seeing what reflected back in the mirror. I was scared that what I saw staring back, would never leave. The person that I was , always going to be a vision of my past.

Fast forward to today right at this moment. I am overwhelmed, I am grateful, I am anxious, and I am still in the unknown. Today I have hope. What I failed to realized that the stranger staring back at me when I first got out of the hospital, was suppose to guide me to finding my inner strengths, passions, and beauty despite what the traditional society expectations of beauty is.

I am human, I still struggle. I avoid cameras at times, I don’t smile as much in pictures. With time though, that smile will reappear, it comes out know every now and then.

The human spirit and soul is a lot more resilient than we give it credit for. I was blessed with a strong fighting spirit that just won’t give up. Therefore, I am thankful.